TEETH (2007)
a review by Sarah Fumiko
As the late Roger Ebert wrote in 1992, “if you pay attention to the movies they will tell you what people desire and fear in their deepest secrets[…]”. This rings true scene for scene in the visual masterpiece, “Teeth”, released in 2008 and directed by Mitchell Lichtenstein.
Teeth begins with a mysterious shot of a nuclear power plant and is revisited throughout the film with no explanation to the viewers, other than the assumption our main character, Dawn’s (played by Jess Weixler), “gift” was provided by. We see young Dawn, guesstimated age 5 in an inflatable swimming pool with her slightly older, soon to be stepbrother, Brad (John Hensley), doing what kids do best: sitting uncomfortably still and in complete silence. Her mother, and Brad’s father are lounging in lawn chairs on the other side of the yard whispering sweet nothings into each other’s ears in the classiest of forms. Young Brad then says to Dawn, “I showed you mine, now you show me yours”, and is met with a soul piercing stare and then suddenly the tip of his finger becomes severed.
This introduction is only a taste of what is to come in Dawn’s life. Little did she know that the nuclear power plant, or possibly the Native Americans, have provided her with a gift to aid her in her future adventures.
Following the severed finger of young Brad, we follow Dawn into adolescence where she is shown in the bathroom while a shadowy figure can be seen in the shower behind her. As she begins to open the shower door, adult Brad scares her and exclaims “gotcha bitch”, giving the creepy step sibling relationship and more “normal” tone and is without a doubt, Brads best moment.
We then find Dawn speaking passionately in a chastity club at her high school discussing staying pure and how precious the gift of virginity is. Following her speech, she is introduced to a new student Tobey (played by Hale Appleman) and the uncomfortable awkwardness of teen lust is immediately evident. After spending some seemingly innocent time with Tobey and her friends, Dawn almost masturbates while imagining marrying Tobey. Bless her little impure soul. She quickly reminds herself by saying “purity” and goes to bed.
Next, she returns to the swimming hole where they previously spent time together and calls Tobey, letting him know that she needs to see him. Tobey comes racing through the woods like a heroic knight upon his noble Jeep to meet her, and they enter a cave together and get cozy on a blanket that was already there (insert barf noises). Things get hot and heavy and Dawn reminds Tobey of their pledge while trying to diffuse the passionate scene. This serves to aggravates Tobey making him our 2nd rapey dude in this film. In a gentlemanly fashion, he gently bangs Dawns head on the rocky ground beneath them rendering Dawn unconscious and he takes the opportunity to take her virginity, adding the nice touch of reassuring her that she’s “still pure in his eyes”.
When Dawn regains consciousness, she begins to panic, then Tobey begins to panic as they realize that his penis has been severed. There it lay, abnormally large, bloody, and on the cave floor. Some time later, Dawn returns to the scene to find a crab playing with Tobey’s severed penis. She screams in horror at the sight as only natural when one finds out they have crabs. She then meets classmate Ryan (Ashley Springer) who gives her a ride home, swings by asking her out, letting her know that he knows she doesn’t want to have sex, and misses.
Dawn begins to research the internet for medical conditions, as any normal human being would, and happens across “vagina dentata”. Believing she has found the cause behind the mystery of the detached penis; she visits a gynecologist for expert advice. Our gyno, Dr. Godfrey (played by Josh Pais) quickly becomes creepy rapey guy #3 when he slips off one of his gloves during her examination and proceeds to enter her with 4 fingers. Like Tobey’s penis, his fingers become severed. Dawn quickly runs away from the office and rides her bicycle home while Dr. Godfrey sits on the floor screaming “VAGINA DENTATA!” in horror.
Upon her arrival home, she discovers her mother motionless on the floor while stepbrother Brad is making sweet love to his girlfriend with the door wide open. Her mother is then taken to the hospital, while Dawn hysterically arrives to Ryan’s house who we all have high hopes for. He consoles her as she explains vagina dentata and her research findings that the dentata must be conquered. In an attempt to calm her, he offers her a sedative and when she emerges from a bath, she finds the room romantically lit with 976 candles. Ryan then uses a vibrator on a tranquilized Dawn, who enjoys and consents. She fears that “they’ll get him”, but he confidently reassures her that he is conquering them.
Despite the romantic scene, the next morning Ryan shows his true colors and becomes creepy dude # 4 when he answers a phone call mid-sex saying that he won a bet and tries to get Dawn to say something to prove she is there. Dawn becomes angry and the dentata strike again, severing yet another abnormally sized penis which becomes instantaneously green for reasons unknown.
Meanwhile, Dawns stepfather is attempting to kick Brad out of the house, which results in Brad confessing his love for Dawn and his anger towards his father for making her his sister. Dawn meets her stepfather and Brads girlfriend at the hospital where her mother has died. Brad’s girlfriend apologizes to them, admitting that the mother was crying out for help, but Brad said to ignore her. Enraged, we see fire ignite in Dawn as she makes a plan that can only involve her gift.
Dawn returns home and adorns herself in a white dress and too much make up and seduces Brad in the spirit of Sandy from Grease when she enters metamorphosis for Danny’s approval. Brad is reluctant for about 2 seconds before he stops resisting the power of the vagina. He flashes back to childhood in the inflatable pool and remembers that it was Dawn’s vagina that severed his finger, and in that moment the dentata strikes again! Dawn stands and drops yet another giant D on the ground, only this time it is pierced with what appears to be a silver bangle or a hula hoop at the tip. As if the severed and pierced penis wasn’t enough, his dog then eats it and spits the piercing out.
With her newfound confidence in her dentata powers, Dawn begins to hitchhike out of her rapist riddled hometown and accepts a ride from an elderly man (Doyle Carter). She awakens when he parks at a gas station and as she tries to exit, he repeatedly locks the doors and licks his lips at her in a sensual, monitor lizard type of fashion. Dawn then breaks the 4th wall and smiles at the camera, then turns her smile toward the old man. The audience is left to assume that she will use her vagina dentata powers to bring rapists to justice, leaving only a trail of mangled dick behind her.