TMNT: Out Of The Shadows (2016)
a review by Evan Landon
What a complete pile of shit.
I would love to end this review there, but I feel that you, the reader, would not accept my opinion w/out a little more emphasis behind it; what a complete pile of shit! See, sometimes all you have to do is move some words around, use an exclamation point, and it sounds even better... or worse, I'm not even sure how to describe how sickening this film is.
Here is some backstory: upon my first introduction to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles as an eight year-old in the eighties, I was obsessed with the quartet of hero-in-the-half-shell brethren. I remember being taught the theme song by our music teacher in the second grade because it was the easiest way to get a bunch of idiot kids to care about music. The live action movie came out not long after that and, although it was not great, it held very true to the original series. There are parts to where the original movie even harkens back to the Season One finale and the Season Two premier (that would be Shredded & Splintered and Return Of The Shredder for the uninitiated).
The story of this movie unravels very quickly because our characters look like a terrible “additional skins” pack from Fortnite that you immediately regret buying. They look fucking bad! Plus, the original cartoon that launched millions of dollars of revenue (before the movie was even made) never once made Raphael to be a “tough guy”. I don't even want to know who made that call, but that was stupid. Not as stupid as what I am about to speak of: Tyler Perry plays Baxter Stockman. Yup.
There are a bunch of great actors in this though; ummmmm.. I think Megan Fox, who is that one guy from Arrested Development, is that Green Arrow as a sniveling, wussy Casey Jones(?), and what the living flying fuck happened to any sort of narrative of a story?! Nevermind. All of these actors suck too.
Let's try to garner some positivity though... Anyone have any? Yeah, me neither.
The CGI is god awful too. I don't know what this travesty is, but Eastman and Laird are either rolling over in their graves or in the money they made with how they sold their souls for the rights to their mental property.
With a budget of $135 million, it made $245.6 million, it did 50% less than its predecessor, so another sequel probably will not happen. Thank god. However, they will probably try another reboot, so we have THAT to look forward to. Ugggggh...
They need to go back into the shadows, if you ask me.
What a complete pile of shit.
1.5 out of 5