Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery (2022)
a review by Evan Landon
The name is Leghorn. Foghorn Leghorn.
Seriously, what in the living fuck is this movie even about? It's like a stage play that went horrifically wrong after the first act which I did begrudgingly find somewhat whimsical. I guess in a lot of ways, you have to break down the characters, as this is a character driven film. I mean, it has to be because this plot is so thin you could walk through it.
Let's start with Daniel “I Say, I Say Non-Blonde-Bond, What's Goin On” Craig trying his hardest to leave his old franchise behind despite the fact that it is the role that put him on the map. Don't get that twisted because I am all for anyone in the entertainment industry trying something new, but it is apparent that this is the franchise he dusted the old one for which makes me want to become an ostrich and stick my fucking head in a hole in the ground. Also, Benoit Blanc is no Hercule Poirot, in case you see the likely comparison.
Then there is a whole slew of non-distinct characters that any community stage play actor could pull off, but gives it to Hollywood regs who you can easily tell how big of hacks they actually are. There is:
Boo-tista
Goldie Prawn
Girl from Daredevil..?
The Not-So-Incredible Bulk
Hillary Simpson
Half & Half
Whiskey
Aaron Burr
I guess good ole Wreck-It Rian decided that he would take the Kenneth Branaugh approach to Agatha Christie novels minus one Armie Hammer (the less said about that, the better) which only postulates why The Last Rian thinks he has a more contemporary take on film noir that completely misses the mark. His first film Brick was well-written and very creative to the point that I could almost see Hollywoodland giving him the reigns on, however has completely disgraced every single movie put in front of him since. Just go back to making Mountain Goats music vids, mon frer.
This film is a complete exercise of “style-over-substance” to which any out of work actor would jump at because it takes little to no work to go through the motions. I would love to tell you whom the killer is, but it really doesn't matter because it is solved in the first act. What continues is a farcical repose of convoluted bullshit that has little or nothing to do with anything.
I did like this more than its predecessor, so I gotta look at what I gave that. Here we go.
2.5 out of 5