The Charisma Killers (2024)
a review by Evan Landon
I won't get into how jarring the sound is in this movie just yet, but holy hell, I had to pass it through three different stereos to make sure all of them worked correctly. From the very first moment of this film, the narrator sounds like he is in a fishbowl, gasping for air. I feel like the actor (Vernon Wells) would have had better luck with a compressor microphone in ADR instead of a patch some kid in college got in an audio suite circa 2003. The sound is not the only problem here, however.
Let's just get past the fact that it takes over a half hour to introduce maybe 6 or 7 characters, so that takes care of a third of this movie right there, which might be a positive. Which characters, you ask? Ask no more, friend! They are, as follows:
1-Hit Hustle – boasts a 99% success rate at knocking people out with one punch. Sound familiar?
1911 – has two Colt 1911's that he never leaves home without. Wouldn't that make him 1911's?
Pretty Boy Nordin – kills swinging couples for some reason.
Psycho – likes painting his fingernails and chewing dog treats off of his victims faces. Also, might be the only interesting character in this film.
Katana - lures potential rapists back to their own house only to stab them to death? She dates Nordin, so that adds up.
Rope – She ummm.. she kills people with a rope?
Lone – hides in people's houses until they come back to get their paperwork, then shoots them when they aren't looking.
Now, I think when it comes to movies like this, it is easier to make fun of the low budget and lack of script. However, that might be apart of its charm. Hear me out...
Sometimes, you hear the term “so-bad-it's-good” and upon its initial viewing, The Charisma Killers could easily be considered that. The story is lifted from I don't know how many movies, the audio does not even make sense when one person says something out of another characters mouth, then when a door closes – it makes no sound, although people can distinctly be heard walking on the carpet. Yes, walking on carpet. That obvious mistake is caught, but syncing dialogue is fucking outskies when it comes to sound editing, but that is an easy fix. Just get a new sound editor, not someone figuring out Frooty Loops on their parents laptop.
There is a saving grace for this movie, though: it seems like everyone is having a great time. I mean that.
I don't know if any of you have ever been on a filmset, but sometimes those things can seriously drag; one person can't seem to sync the audio, maybe an extra brought a friend who eats everything at the buffet table, perhaps a cast member is howlingly drunk, a baby screams because you chose to film at a Golden Corral, some drunk keeps saying he is a director and nobody gets his vision after that is the only thing he talked about for twelve hours, somebody’s hot sammich is now cold, etc. The point is, I don't think anyone was having a bad time making this. Hell, even Vanessa Angel from that Weird Science tv show is in this movie, for whatevs reason, and she is has a huge smile the entire time. Fuck it! Seems like everyone enjoyed themselves, and that is really cool to me.
Writer and director, Michael Matteo Rossi, could end up one of the worst or greatest directors of our time. Seemingly having an eye for action stunts, bloody CGI shootouts, and bowling alleys for press junkets, who is to say where this aspiring filmmaker could land? Anyways, you can catch this one on YouTube.com at your leisure, however, it should said that this gem is definitely good enough for Tubi!
I do like the use of pro rassler Brian Pillman, Jr. who gets mercked by Rope in the beginning. I think Emma from WWE is in there too somewhere, I forget. I just hope they are both in Dark Match with Chris Jericho though because, you better bet, that one is next.
2 Out Of 5