Small Soldiers (1998)
a review by Evan Landon
Since we are so close to the holidays in this year of 2024, I felt the need to speak about a highly overlooked movie that has only appreciated in value over time: Small Soldiers. If you have not seen this movie, I am certain you have heard of it. If you have not, no need to worry; I will not spoil what happens for you. The issue with that is because there really isn't anything to spoil because it does not stray too far from the path, as far as narratives go anyways.
I have no idea how Joe Dante makes such well-constructed movies. I say “makes”, but he has not put out anything since 2014's Burying The Ex, and if you saw that, I'm pretty sure you probably do not remember much about it. He never said he “retired” though, so he might make a short or something here and there. The filmmaker is 78 years-old, but he did make some pretty damn good movies such as The Gremlins, Innerspace, The Howling, and The Burbs in the 80's, so yknow the man is pure class behind the lens.
The premise of Small Soldiers is simple: A toy company is bought out by a defense contractor as a side hustle. Two toy designers are then commissioned to make two sets of AI toys that can “talk back” under a very strict deadline and when one decides to use military processors from the same company. The prototype soldiers break out of their packaging and begin hunting the peaceful alien toys in the streets with little to no regard for the innocent people in between. A teenager named Alan (who has a huge crush on the girl next door) witnesses them escape while he is working at his father's toy store and all hell breaks loose! Now, with the help of his crush, Alan must help the peaceful “Gorgonites” toys at the expense of war against the blood-thirsty “Commando Elite” before they go to battle with the entire world.
I do remember when this movie came out too. I was in high school and these kind of movies did not really capture my attention. Not to say that I did not enjoy subversive, ironically absurd movies, it was just that this one was one I was not quick to go out and see because I thought it was stupid before even watching it. There was no real comparison to Gremlins or Puppet Master that I was able to connect with back then, but I was a pretty thick kid. I'll admit that.
There is so much that happens in every single scene, that despite its absurdity (which is apart of its charm), there is always dialogue that places tongue firmly in cheek. From the mother asking her son if he is on “crank” or “crystal meth” jestfully in a kid's movie to the Commando Elite weaponizing Spice Girl's “Wannabe” as psychological warfare, this movie knows exactly what it is doing from the very start and sticks the landing perfectly.
I suppose I should speak to the elephant in the room, and mention something about the dangers of AI and the privatization of government official's availability for hostile corporate takeovers as a side hustle, but that is a little too many politicking that my brain cannot begin to compute. It is there, however, and done very tastefully while giving you a good unexpected belly laugh.
The insanely talented cast is not just the live actors consisting of a young Kirsten Dunst, Everwood's Gregory Smith, comedians David Cross, Jay Mohr, Dennis Leary and the late Phil Hartman, but also features an all-star cast of voices of the “Commando Elite” and the “Gorgonites”, with such heavy hitters as Tommy Lee Jones, Frank Langella, Bruce Dern, Harry Shearer, and Michael McKean just to name a few. Christina Ricci and Sarah Michelle Gellar also lend their voices as “Barbie”-esque dolls turned psycho killers that the kids have to take out as well. Legendary character actor Dick Miller even serves as a surrafate for Joe Dante himself, so that should get all my horror, mutant, and monster fams excited to boot.
All in all, Small Soldiers is somewhat forgotten in the realm of live action/animated movies at a time when it was just figuring itself out and it definitely deserves to be a lot higher. After only pulling in $71.8 million against a $40 million budget, it cannot be considered a success, but it isn't a bomb either. It is in it's own little category, once again.
Like most of the movies I love to cover, this gem has found itself a cult following and you should catch it sometime and appreciate it today because we don't get movies like this anymore. There weren't many like it before either, so there you go. Well done, my friends. Well done.
3.5 Out Of 5